Kim Struggles - Fear and Anxiety

Hello everyone! 

To keep up with the momentum of posting, here's something that has been plaguing my mind for quite some time. For some reason I've had this feeling building up in my head and in my chest. I couldn't discern what it was, but I knew it was causing me to be restless and very anxious. I would oversleep constantly. Stare at the wall with a blank look. Try REALLY hard to find things to try and distract myself and then feel sad that I can't look more on reddit or buzzfeed. I had a mental block stopping me from productivity.

This restless feeling....it went from my head all the way down to my wrists and finger tips. It's painful not doing anything when you know your body wants to be active doing something.

Then sitting right here, I realized it was FEAR that was causing this mental block and then my anxiety and restlessness. A fear of what I wasn't sure...nor could I figure out the cause. Now that I'm on Spring Break from my last year of college, I had some time to think.

This fear is from my self-doubt about myself, my work, and my lifestyle.

Did I put enough effort into my school work? Was I a good enough team-player for my team? Am I making the right decisions for my health? Am I taking care of myself. Am I a reliable enough person for someone to trust? Am I holding true to my promises? What am I good at? Can I get a job after I graduate? If I try something, will I fail and then give up?

All these questions and others just kept replaying themselves through my head. This made it hard for me to focus or even think about positive things when trying to apply for jobs. And since I'm on break, I'm at my parents' home and my mom at work, it has been a while since I've felt this lonely (normally one of my roommates' are there to help me be distracted). I know I have friends back home, but it's strange for me to call friends out all of a sudden when I haven't spoken to them in so long. 

I made a call to someone and she helped remind me something - I'm doing the best I can and being positive can help turn a hopeless situation into a better one (not a winning one, but better). And that this fear is here because I keep hoping and wishing for something to happen. I need to DO Something.

The question I will ask myself everyday to help keep this fear away  - What am I doing today to help me become the woman I want to be? 

This post is already a step in the right direction, because it's helping me realize that this fear is here and it's not going to go away. I have to conquer it.

That's my current struggles for right now.

Look forward to the next post!